baskets and buckets and bowls of it.

I am at a time in my life where I think it is time for me to make a bucket list. To those who don't know, a bucket list is a compiled list of things that you want to do before you die. They can be reasonable, or totally out there. It is hard me to compile a list like this, for a rather simple reason. I order lunch and don't want it by the time lunch rolls around. I dye my hair a certain color, only while I try decide what other color to dye it. I same money to spend money. Long story short, I change my mind too much, and I am all over the place these days. I can't decide whether or not it is a good or bad thing at this point. On one side, I feel good knowing that I don't take life too seriously, because I am so young. But on the other end, I see the people around me, and wonder if I am falling behind the pack. Granted, I have done my fair share of learning, mistake making, changing, changing back, regret, happiness, sadness, so on, and so forth. I've lived a life beyond my years in a lot of ways, and I have made a lot of changes. But in some ways, I have a hard time seeing whether I have made a step forward or a step back from where I was this time two years ago. Granted, I was 19 this time two years ago. I was in a relationship with a man who I thought I would spend my life with, I was trying to have kids, and I was down the road to nowhere fast. We lived a life of losers, and put fake smiles on our faces everyday to hide our hate for each other. We were unemployed, uninteresting, unmotivated, uneducated, and unpredictable. That last one was the most fun though. We didn't take anyone's shit, and we did what we wanted. Granted, we couldn't pay our rent, and we sold kittens online to support our habits. I cannot say I miss that part. I look back on that, and compare to where I am now. Been at a job for 14+ months, making a steady income every two weeks, digging myself slowing but surely out of the hole of debt that Reagan and I dug ourselves into. I guess he had a ladder, because he got out just fine, and i'm stuck building stairs out of fallen leaves. it will take me years to establish myself again, and to become a profitable member of society, but I'm doing it, and i'm doing it on my own. Now, all these things sound great, but life isn't all roses and butterflies. I live at home, in the basement of my parents house (barf) and I hate admitting that. I moved out a month after I graduated to live with my boyfriend. Since then, I've moved 10 times. West Jordan to parents to Rose Park #1 to Rose Park #2, back to the parents, then to Lehi, Ogden, Washington Terrace, Idaho, and once again, back to my parents house. I've been here for 16 months, which makes me happy and sad. On one end, I am the glue that holds this house together a lot of the time. I keep things moving smoothly over all the potholes of the Wilson family life. Also, living in this house has given me a wonderful opportunity to pay off my debt. The leaves fall faster and build stairs better when you don't spend them on rent. But living at home makes me feel like such a child. "Come on over, Friends! Yep, same house we came to after Homecoming Sophomore year." REALLY?! Not cool. I'm 21 years old, dammit! Out of all my friends, I am the only one who is single. 100% freaking single. I don't want to complain, because I am happy. I love answering to no one but myself. I hate dating, I hate commitment, and the last relationship I had was two years of hell, so why have a desire to be with someone? Simple answer. I don't. But I don't like being the friend who isn't invited to certain events simply because I will be the only one without a +1. ANNOYING! I am a 3 time college drop out. I have friends that are damn close to graduation! COLLEGE GRADUATION! I feel like I just graduated high school. Don't worry, it was almost 4 years ago! GOD I'M OLD! Anyways, this has turned into quite the rant, haha. Long story short, I have done a lot of growing, and still have so much growing to do. This is the reason for my Bucket List. There are so many things I want to do before I die, and now that I have taken up recreational smoking, i've lost about 5 years of bucket list fun, so I better get started. I'm 21, that's half way to 42, which is half way to 84. Meaning my life is 1/4th over. I am not okay with that. Time to get a move on! So here it is...my Bucket List.

• Spend at least a week on every continent. 
• Marry an Australian
• Go streaking
• Kiss Robert Downy Jr
• Beat up a grown man 
• Successfully fulfill a genius scam
• Pay cash for a brand new car
• Own a loft apartment above a coffee shop
• Hug Jerry Seinfeld
• Visit the "Seinfeld" Coffee Shop
• Live in Seattle
• Wrestle a Croc
• Play guitar with the Zac Brown Band
• Buy one of everything at Forever 21
• Build a VW Bug with my father
• Own and ride a motorcycle
• Grow a beard (Im serious!)
• Be honestly and truly known by my neighbors as the "Crazy Cat Lady"
• Publish a book
• Fit in a size 3 jean
• Take a cruise
• Spend a year with the Peace Corp.
• Shave my head
• Swim with the sharks
• Buy Olivia her first car <3
• Obtain a Masters in PR
• Work in New York for Balenciaga
• Design a clothing line
• Invent a TV that has a button to page your remote, similar to paging a cordless phone (genius, I know)
• Be 100% out of debt
• Dig up real Stego bones
• Skydiving
• Parasailing near the Jurasic Park Island
• Buy a star, and name it Olivia
• Be a successful stand up comic
• Hike Mt. Everest
• Find a man who can put up with me
• Adopt a child
• Own a successful PR Firm
• Write a beautiful One Hit Wonder type of song
• Delete my Facebook
• Go on a Safari
• Jump off a waterfall
• Ride in the top of a double decker bus
• Drive the Autobahn
• Live with no regrets
• Forgive myself for my mistakes
• Meet one of the remaining Beatles.
• Buy Mel and Matt a house
• Start a Beach Boys cover band
• Be homeless in Venice
• Sleep on the beach
• Buy my parents a home
• Sex on the beach
• Steal a statue
• Have a night in Vegas that should stay there. ;)

I will be adding to this list as more things come to mind. As you can see, some are rather achievable, and some are ridiculous. But I want to do them all, and hope that I will. :) 

This blog may have been the rant of the year. Good thing I saved it for December. This year has been nuts, and I cannot believe it's almost over. If I don't see you until then, Marry Christmas bloggers. I love you all <3

the sanctity of marriage...

today i am going to write about a topic that i feel very strongly about. there are a lot of things in life i don't understand or believe in. true and everlasting love happens to be one of them. I personally cannot see myself ever settling down, and being with one person for the rest of my life. I am too much of an handful myself, and i change my hair as often as most people change their socks. I think that there are a lot of people in the world who ruin the idea of a perfect marriage. people who have "open relationships" who find it okay to cheat on their spouses. people who get married and divorced after nine hours, or even after 72 days. the concept of marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment to someone. for better or worse. divorce is messy and mean and neither side wins. I will never understand why people choose to marry someone for money, stability, or a moment of happiness. I can achieve all of those things on my own. It is slack jaws like Kim Kardashian and Brittany Spears who ruin my idea of a beautiful life long commitment to someone.


now let me ask you this....why do we find it alright to love these celebrities, and to give them chance after chance whenever they decide they want to marry someone, but we terrorize and scrutinize people who want to spend their lives together, for better or worse, in the eyes of the law and the lord, just because they have the same genitals?!

I spoke with a customer a few months ago who ran a christian church in southern Texas. He met his soul mate while working on the Reagan campaign in the early 80's. They were separated for 20 years before finally meeting again, this time while both working on the Obama campaign. They knew, after all this time, that there was no one else in the world for them. Neither of them had a single partner or relationship for 20 years, because they knew they found true love. Now, these two MEN are happily committed to each other, and running an open minded christian church. THIS, is what I call true love.

I read a story online about two weeks ago, and the story was about two men who have been in love for 40 years, married in the eyes of themselves and their families. Never cheated on one another, because they know they have found their eternal partner, in life and death. They have subjected themselves to hate and ridicule for  their entire lives, all for love. now, who wants to sit here and tell me that people choose to put themselves through that hell? you can shut the hell up if you think that.

I am a straight female, and will never understand the idea of true love. But these men and women do. so leave them the hell alone, and learn something from them. true love has no boundaries. black, white, male, female, whatever! These people know love, and all the hate you feel in your heart for them, makes me realize that you haters will NEVER understand the idea of true love.

tis the season

The holidays can be the best or worst time of year. it all comes down to perception. For some people, the holiday season is the time of year where you have a valid excuse to display ridiculous amounts of depression and anger. people realize this time of year how alone and sad they truly are. If you asked me a year ago, I was one of those people. I had recently split from the man i thought i would spend my life with. I moved back into my parents house where things were anything but stable. i was down on my luck with no happiness in sight. but then, i woke up christmas morning, and realized just how blessed i really was. My family gave me so many wonderful blessings. I am not speaking of only the gifts that I received. There was so much love and joy on christmas morning. The joy I felt cannot be explained in words.

This year has been even better, and the holiday season has just started. I celebrated a wonderful thanksgiving with the greatest family in the world. lots of awesome cooking, eating, playing games, and rooms full of laughter. It was also the first thanksgiving of my beautiful niece Olivia. She is now 4 months old and getting so big and strong. I love her so much and i cannot even stand how wonderful she is!

Last night, I had the funnest sleepover of my life, and I felt like a little kid again. I took my adorable cousins Kylee and Ethan to the mall to meet santa and tell him what they want for Christmas. After that, we got ice cream, and came back to the house to play twister and barbies with my oldest friend Amelia. I woke up the next morning and made the kids pancakes and then the playing started all over. they really wore me out, but I had so much fun with them!

Life is good, bloggers. I have no complaints. I have a wonderful job, a wonderful family, wonderful friends, and a beautiful life. Every day, i finally wake up and feel like i am complete. I have not felt so complete in a long time. I am happy with where im at. I am single and healthy and life is good. Smile on bloggers, it'll be a great end to a beautiful year!

husband requirements

After the past relationship hell i have been through, i have decided to create a list. this list details all my requirements in a husband. Now, i do not plan to ever be married. However, if any many can fit into ALL these requirements, i will maybe marry him. :)

1. my future husband must have dreadlocks. now i know that some people think this type of hair is extremely disgusting. but i think it is so sexy!! it is low maintenance, easy, quick, and there is a way to have dreadlocks and still keep your hair extremely clean. I want a man who knows how to do that! speaking of clean...that brings me to my next requirement! 

2. my husband is required to stay clean, and to always smell good. i do not care if you are a man, if you work manual labor, or if its 1,000,000,000,000 degrees outside, you are required to smell good. not like ass. no if's, and's, or butt's about it. period, the end. You must maintain yourself. which brings me to point three.....

3. My husband must have a clean, well maintained beard. Again, don't confuse this with the idea of a dirty, disgusting neard that has no shape. I love a rugged, well maintained, sexy man beard.

4. My husband is required, and I repeat, required, to have an accent originating from Australia or New Zeland. I don't even think I need to explain why this is so important. It is sooooo sexy I can't even handle it. Enough said people, enough said. 

#6. My husband cannot be too skinny. I cannot tell you how gross I think skinny men are. Now, lets not leave any gray area here, he does not need to be FAT. But I refuse to date a stick skinny man. it is just gross a creepy. Some meat on his bones is extremely preferred. 

#7. This rule is considered the most important. My husband must be RDJ, or be as close to the real thing as possible. I need not explain more..

The wonder years.

what would you do if i sang you a tune?
would you stand up and walk our on me?
lend me your ear and i'll sing you a song
and i'll try not to sing out of key..

oh, The Beatles. what a great thing to listen to on a Sunday on October. SPEAKING OF OCTOBER!!

 #1. I have not blogged in quite some time. for this, I am sorry. I have been so busy with work and with school.
#2. I had a medical meltdown the past 30 days. First, a sever infection in my kidney and bladder. following that, an extremely painful pinched sciatic nerve, as well as my L4 vertebrae out of place. The pain was so bad that i fainted in the bathroom and couldn't leave bed for three days. Once I was able to walk without a cane, I caught my first nasty cold of the winter season. I am still getting over it two weeks later, and I cannot wait for it to be gone. (just in time for another one to come, im sure)
#3. Halloween is just around the corner, and I have not prepared AT ALL! I am thinking of going to my oldest and truest friend beau's house for his costume party. Only problem....I STILL DON'T HAVE A COSTUME! My plan was to create a female version of the most obnoxious celebrity in America...FLAVA FLAVVVVVVVVVVV!!! My plan was to create a purple velour dress, wear a giant clock necklace, a viking hat, and a golden grill. i have none of those things and I am running out of time! I made my costume last year and it only took me about 4 hours to sew. As cute as it was, it sort of turned into a disaster. The material I used was a poly-silk blend, and was not meant to be worn. Not only did the thread rip through the fabric by the end of the night, but it was also stained to high heaven, although I do not recall spilling anything on it! Needless to say, it was time and money wasted. I am worried about that happening again this year. I chose Velour for two reasons.

Reason #1: It is Flava Flav's favorite. He wears velour track suits as much as he possibly can. Since the costume is about him, I find it only fitting.. Although our skin tone is a little different, and my hair is a little less...nappy....i think i should follow in his style steps the best that I can with what I can..

Reason #2: It is DURABLE! it gives well, holds up well, and wont lose its shape! It will be easy to make into a standard tube dress. 2 yards will cost me roughly ten dollars, and I will be nearly all set!

I did already check the Halloween store, and they do have the accessories I need for the remainder of the costume. About $35-$40 total, and I will be all set for Halloween. Not bad, eh? Most girls these days spend $40 alone on a dress that barely covers their ass cheeks. Accessories included, I don't think I got off too bad. :)

Well bloggers...it was nice catching up. Glad to hear you are all doing well. Hope this update has been pleasing for you.

PS. I have the most chubby and adorable niece on the entire planet. be jealous.

billy madison

Well, its official. I am back to school! This is my second week taking classes and I am pretty freaking excited about it! although i feel tired all the time and i have more on my plate than i ever thought possible, i am having so much fun! i am taking two classes right now. on monday, wednesday, and friday i am enrolled in an interpersonal communications class. the class is said to teach us about better ways to communicate with the people around us, including friends, family, work associates, etc. I think i am a pretty good communicator as it is, but you never know! I am excited to see what this class will open my eyes to. then, on tuesdays and thursdays i am taking a digital media essentials class. aka. intro to photo shop. that is that class i am sitting in currently. the teacher is always about fifteen minutes late, then he talks for a little over an hour about god knows what. all the while we are playing online and not really listening to a word that is being said. then we play on photo shop until its time to leave.

now all of this seems pretty hectic with my full time work schedule, right? WRONG!  I got a promotion at work! i am now a member of the chat team for 1800 contacts. no more phone calls, no more stupid people yelling at me over the phone because they dont  understand the concept of LEGAL 24 HR DELAY. some people i swear...ANYWHOOOOO now i am off the phones and just spend the day chatting online to equal idiots.

oops...theres the teacher. gotta bounce!

its only right to do so.

one year ago today, the battle ended. the rage stopped. the fighting, the tears, the screaming, the pretending. it all ended one year ago today. right around this time.


this situation still pierces in my brain like it just happened. just yesterday. just moments ago. its hard to believe it let myself feel so sad, so mad, and to get so close to someone I didn't want to spend my life with.


This is a day of celebration. the day i found myself again. the day i packed my things, said goodbye to the past, and hello again to the ones who REALLY loved me.

still...its hard to believe its been a year...365 days...525,600 minutes...or something like that.

the things that have happened in this year.
2 new jobs
2 new cars
4 new bosses
30 new outfits
1 lost friend (kodabear)
1 kitten
1 new pup
1 driving citation
50 drunken nights
1 fist fight with a man....i won..
2 camping trips
4 strange..(if you dont know, you cant know)
2 reunited best friends
many new friends
a few new boys
new passions
new adventures
new experiences
and most importantly
one beautiful baby girl..

I have seen my fair share of ups and downs over the past 365 days. and i dont regret a single moment of it. i have had such a good time finding myself again. cannot wait to see what the next ten years bring!

time for some ketchup

I have become a bad blogger and for that i will apologize. its funny, i feel like i apologize at the beginning of almost all my blogs. i need to break that habit. :)

In the past month, some very beautiful and very interesting things have happened. I will do my best to fill you in on all the most important things.


I had a very lovely 4th of july with my family. we watched the parade in the morning with the cousins, and then that night i was able to watch fireworks with my sis, brother in law and father. it was a lot of fun, and i even bought glow sticks like a little kid. :)


the rest of july pretty much played out as usual. nothing too exciting happened through the middle of the month. i worked a lot and played a lot. my bestie Aimee Green is back into town so i am having a good time laughing and going on adventures with her.

 Then, july 21st came around, which was the due date of my older sisters very first daughter, Olivia. now, keep in mind, only 13% of women go into labor on their due date. well, melissa likes to break the standard, that is what i love about her. so of course, at 6 am, she checked into the hospital, in labor. after a looooong day, at 2:30 am on July 22nd, 2011 Olivia Irene Kemp was born, weighing exactly 7lbs and measuring exactly 20 inches. she is a bundle of pure perfection and I have never felt so much love for someone i have barely known. she is such a blessing. she is beautiful. :) here are a few pics.

isnt she a doll!? god i love her. :)

July ended with the celebration of Aimee's 23rd birthday, where we went to the lake, went cliff diving, swam, camped, drank, and i beat up a man. :) thats all folks. bye for now. 

a little vent time

i am not the type to normally complain about all my problems. i usually keep a smile on my face whenever possible. but I have had a very rough month. first, i had a problem with the screen going out on my phone. now in the past, any time i call t mobile i have to wait on hold for over an hour before getting through to them. and i was not ready to do that when i had a broken phone. so i went to the store and had the man there troubleshoot it. after about 35 seconds he agreed that i needed a new phone. my phone was under warranty so i did not have to pay anything for the new phone. he told he they would overnight it to me for free, but because this happened on a friday afternoon, it would not be there until monday or tuesday. so monday comes...and goes.....and tuesday comes....and goes......and then i watch the rest of the week pass by, and still no phone. then saturday evening, i receive a package. and guess what is inside?! NOT MY PHONE! all they sent me was a PHONE BATTERY! NEWS FLASH! MY BATTERY WORKS FINE!

then, fathers day rolls around, and i am sure we have already heard about all the drama that happened there with my car dying, bumper getting ripped off, me crying on the phone to a customer, etc..

now, my mother is having a very hard time lately with controlling her emotions. and one night she really had a freak out on me, not for any reason in particular.

then, my work tried to tell me that i was not going to get my bonus check for the month, which i rightfully earned.

then, my paypal account got hacked and all my money was stolen out of my bank account. after i called paypal and blocked my account, they were able to somehow allow to crook to still place two more orders, totaling hundreds of dollars. i then had to cancel my wells fargo account, open a new one, reset my direct deposit, call all my bills and debt collectors and reset my arrangements with them. it was a whole days process. drama, drama, drama.

then, dont worry, my car died again. wtf!!


ugggh. so glad today is the last day of the month, and a new moon. i am ready for a fresh start!

eye rain...

the sky was full of thunderstorms today. lightning, rain, and even some hail. but the only rain i felt was that coming down my face, from my eyes. today is fathers day, and I was reminded today of just how amazing my dad is.

i was unfortunately put into an exhausting situation this morning regarding the new car that i purchased in late april of this year. it is a 2000 ford focus with just over 100k miles on it. now, to step back to my previous car experience, i have not had the best luck when i comes to cars. from blown head gaskets to repos, i have not been blessed when it comes to cars. this car in particular has given me problems pretty much from the start. within a week of having it we determined (incorrectly) that there were problems with the connectors of the alternator. after two weeks of ignored calls, i was FINALLY able to reach the car company and have them take the car back to be repaired. they then determined that the fuel pump was shot. they "replaced" it, and returned my car to me with a completely empty gas tank. i took the car home and it worked for about a week before dying again. since then, i have been able to use the car for about 60% of the time that i have it. the other 40% it gives me total hell. we have replaced the dip stick, fuel filter, battery connector, and now the fuel vaccum sensor (i think) and now we are thinking that the fuel pressure regulator will need to be replaced. that part, new, is $150 dollars. which i do not have, and cannot bring myself to pay for. we looked at pick and pull and couldnt find what we were looking for. so now we are deciding what to do next.

last night, i began watching a movie that i have been meaning to see for a long time now. the secret. this moving is basically a theory that life is based on the law of attraction. anything that happens in your life, you attract it to your life. the movie goes on to explain that the law of attraction cannot determine feelings regarding the action object or lifestyle in which you are thinking. for example. i woke up this morning thinking "i dont want to have car trouble" the secret's theory stats that the law of attraction only registers that i am thinking of "car trouble" not whether or not i want car trouble. the law of attraction states that because i am thinking of car trouble, that is what i attracted to myself. in turn, you ultimately have to think about only what you desire, not what you dont desire, because you will attract what you are thinking of. prior to watching this moving, this was the general rule in which i lived by. positive attitude = positive outcome. but to practice what i preach is a totally different story. but after the day i had today, i have decided to make an extremely strong effort every single day to think of only the things i do want, not the things i DONT want.

this day made me realized how blessed i am to have some of the people in my life that i have. first of all, my co workers. so many amazing people stepped up today in my time of need and offered me comfort and friendship. i have been truly blessed to know all of these amazing people.

second, my entire family.they are so very different and wild and a little out of control, but whenever i need them i know i can count on them to be there for me.

last, and of course most important for this day, my amazing father. John Aaron Wilson. Born April 26, 1968. He is the greatest human being i will ever know. he is my best friend, my partner in crime, my daddy, my everything. he is such a selfless and loving person, and always puts his family before himself. he will do whatever he can to make sure that we have what we need when we need it. he goes above and beyond to take care of us. i have built a bond with him that i cannot explain to the average person. i was like the son he never had. he is the greatest man i will never know, and i am so blessed to have him as my father. i share more personal stories and jokes with him than any other human in my life. he will forever and always be my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my helping hand, my best friend, my compadre. love you daddy. happy fathers day!

how perfect

i am so happy to say that i am writing this blog from my patio of my parents house. it is 70 degrees, slight breeze, and not a cloud in sight. it is such an amazing day and i am so happy that summer time allows for more sunlight, longer days, and happier people. i am so pleased to be able to spend this fun summer with my family, and i have built such a strong bond lately with some really amazing friends. i am having so much fun, and the summer has just barely started. i cannot wait until it comes time for camping. more swimming, boating, summer adventures, late night bike rides, the list goes on and on although i have a sunburn and work five days a week i could not be any happier right now. i am home, surrounded by wonderful people, and have a very amazing life. :) bring it on summer, im so ready! 

this could be the start.

well folks. thank you for patiently waiting while i neglect to update my blog. i know i am not the best at maintaining this. but i am doing my best to keep it up to date. this last week has been great. I started a pretty serious diet and although it was a big change in lifestyle and a little bit hard at first, i think that so far i am doing a great job. in one week i lost about 6 lbs. this is just the start. my goal, as crazy as it sounds, is to lose 70 lbs within the next few months (before christmas) and i think with the progress i have made so far i will be able to accomplish it! all of your words of encouragement would be much appreciated!

on saturday i had the honor of taking my baby sister's senior pictures. she graduates this june, and i am so excited to see where she takes her next step. here are a few of my personal favorites.

this was the second time i was given the opportunity to take some photos for someone. and again, i loved it. i cannot wait to get myself a nice camera and some editing software and really get the ball rolling on this. i am going to take some classes this fall i think and see if i cant have a little more fun with this new hobby of mine. :) 

thats all for now bloggers. feel free to check out my facebook for the full album of these photos! www.facebook.com/jessicaleighwil

a little mustard.

i am so sorry that it has been a while since i have posted. I have been so busy and grumpy lately, and no one wants to hear what i have to say when i am in a bad mood, trust me! anyways. this is what has been happening lately...




my beautiful older sister is now seven months pregnant with what will soon be a beautiful baby girl. she is starting to get an adorable baby belly, and I had the honor of taking her maternity pictures this week. here are a few of her favorites.

didnt she look so beautiful! i am so very excited to become and aunt for the first time. I love babies (although i will never have any) so i will be living through here in that aspect, and cannot wait to see the gorgeous face on beautiful little olivia. 

while taking these pictures i discovered how much i truly love taking pictures! i think this will be my new hobby! i obviously have no real experience in the matter and it will take a lot of training, however, i think that i am going to have a really good time playing around with this new hobby! i will hopefully be getting a new camera for my birthday, and then i will take it to vegas and take some (hopefully) awesome photos!

may 7th, 2011 was the annual salt lake city susan g komen race for the cure. it is a 5k (3.1 miles) and was so much fun! I did the best that i could and am proud that i completed it as quickly as i did! my legs are sore but it was so much fun! i had the opportunity to di the race with some of the awesome girls from my work! by the end, we looked a little tired, but we had so much fun! from the left is me, britt, emily, jess, and stephanie. all of these girls are awesome and were really a blast to run with! love ya, ladies! i plan to do this race for years to come, and i think i am taking my puppies next year. so many people had cute little dogs walking and i want my dogs to join in next year too! 

later in the day i also had the opportunity to see my amazing friend amelia and go to the live green festival in 

salt lake city. this is a festival revolving around living a more green, clean lifestyle. there were tons of awesome booths and some really yummy vegan food! it was so nice to see my friend amelia and to catch up with her about life. 

speaking of life. i have really been in a rut lately. i do not know what my problem is, but i am feeling extremely unhappy with where i am in life. i know some of it is the fact that i am now single and living at home with my 

parents. now dont get my wrong, i absolutely love my family and am so happy that i get to see them whenever i want. this is a big change from when i was living in idaho and never saw them.and also, i cannot complain about being single, because it does give me a lot of time to focus on me, which is the most important thing. however, it is a big change that has taken a lot of adjusting. and i think now that it has been about nine months since i have been back, it is time for me to move on to something else. i am still considering whether or not i will be leaving to seattle this fall, or if i will be getting a home in salt lake. either way, it is time for me to make a change towards something new. what change i make is still undecided. as for other reasons why i am feeling down, those i am not sure of. i just know that i am feeling stuck in my current situation and i am ready for something new to come up. i know that i do not take enough time to be social. i never go out and spend time with my friends. i spend my weekends working or at home. that i do need to change. who knows, maybe i am just being a baby. 

thats all for now bloggers. keep reading. 

t minus 48 hours, and plus one new dress

starting monday ill begin my new diet and workout routine. I am nervous and also very excited. i will be maintaining a vegan lifestyle for the duration of my workout, and probably beyond as well. Id like to thank Ms. Kylie Peterson for assisting me in making this transition. I think it is something that i have wanted to do for a very long time and now i am finally able to do so. speaking on kylie, i just want to give her a little shout out. she is such a sweet and caring person. she is very selfless and loving to everyone that she comes into contact with. she has been there for me whenever i needed to vent and i hope that she feels i have done the same for her. she has been through a lot and still is going through not the easiest lifestyle, but she completes every task thrown her way with beauty and grace. she is the true definition of a friend, and i am so glad that i have been developing a stronger bond with this LOVELY young lady. she is a great mother, and a great friend. :)

for those of you who having heard of P90X, this is what it looks like.... it is a workout routine consisting of 12 dvds. the workouts are structured around avoiding the plateau effect that happens to most people when they begin a workout routine. in most cases, when you start a workout routine, it takes your body roughly 7 days to begin feeling used to that routine, in other words, it is not straining your body anymore. this workout systems recognizes when the plateau affect is about to occur, and changes the workout just in time for your body to always feel like it is pushing HARD. THIS FRIGHTENS ME! my favorite part about working out is when i dont hurt when i do the workout anymore. but i know, you dont gotta tell me, this means i am not really working my body out anymore. i plan to cycle through this series of workouts three times in total, breaking briefly in between, so that my body has to fight through them again. my goal is to lose 70 lbs. i bet you wanna know how much i will weigh then, huh? well a true woman never reveals her weight unless she is pregnant. ;) now i know for those of you who follow my blog religiously i may sound a little contradicting, because a little over a year ago i posted a blog about how happy i was with the way i looked and how i was never going to change anything. i want you to know this has nothing to do with how i look. the motivation behind this is my health. i have a history of heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol in my family. as of now, i have been blessed to not have any of the above. however, i better knock on wood and hit the ground running if i wish to keep it that way. this is about living a long and happy lifestyle, and being able to do so while still feeling healthy and young. i want to be able to play tag with little olivia when she is five and not be out of breath after five minutes. i want to get a dog and take him to the park and run around without passing out. and i want to spend the summer swimming and hiking without having to stop for air every ten minutes. this is about being healthy and happy. and i cannot wait to reach that goal. this will be a life long process of changing my lifestyle to better myself, and after twenty one years, i am ready to do it.


speaking of twenty one years, it is almost my birthday! in four months i will legally be able to use my OWN ID to get into bars. and sadly, im already over it. i did have a lot of fun this winter keeping warm with good company and a little bit of whiskey. i met some awesome people and made tons of memories. however, it is not the time in my life for me to be going out and wasting my weekend doing things that i may or may not remember the next day. part of living my more healthy lifestyle is to stop drinking alcohol. now, the occasional glass of red wine with a nice dinner is one thing, because that is good for your heart health (which is what i am promoting) but i do not plan on spending my nights with Jim, Jack and Jamison anymore. sorry fellas, im moving on. :)

now, to talk about school. I am planning on enrolling SOMEWHERE for summer semester. maybe fall, AT THE LATEST. by fall semester, i will have about 80% of my debt paid in full, and i will be able to afford to pay for school if my loans dont come through. as of right now, Seattle will have to wait. i want to be here to spend one more Christmas with my family, and to spend Olivias first Christmas with her. i want time to prepare, to save, and to stabilize, because lets face it, i am kind of a home body. my dad is my best friend and i gossip with my mom more than anyone else. so give it a year, by then seattle will be ready, and so will i. so for now, we are pressing the pause button. dont rewind, dont return. just pause.

and on a final note, i leave you with this....

never frown upon the devastations of the past, for it is the past that brought you to now, and the mistakes of now that will bring you the glory of tomorrow. --Jessica Wilson

a challange

have you ever fallen asleep in your clothes, and when you wake up you are in only your underwear? it seems like people who are overweight have a harder time sleeping fully clothed for the simple fact that their WHALE BLUBBER keeps them warm enough at night. today, i had this wake up call. i have lived my life always being overweight but healthy. i can exercise for a long time without feeling like i am dying. I generally choose healthy foods before not so healthy ones. however, i am a product of my parents mistakes, and unfortunately we were raised on 3 cans of pop a day and wendys for dinner. It is unfortunate that i was constructed in that matter, and that i have continued to live my life that way. but it is time to change. I have purchased a pretty hardcore weight loss dvd set and plan to begin that on money. I will return to cutting all meat out of my life, and am in the process of becoming completely animal product free. I need to concentrate my diet in a more healthy direction. no saturated fats, no sugars, no sweets. It is about living a healthy lifestyle. This is going to be very challanging for me, because i have little to no will power. so i need everyones support. seriously. you may not support the lifestyle i am choosing to live, but as a friend and a follower, i ask you to support my quest to a healthier lifestyle. thank you very much for following bloggers, more to come soon....

accepting applications.

I am going to start this blog by reviewing a movie that i recently watched with my mother. this is, at best, a B list movie, with mostly unknown actors who do NOT know how to act. it is a movie about a female author who decides to take a vacation to a cabin somewhere down south. she rents a cabin to herself, brings a bag of weed and a few bottles of wine, and finds inspiration to write her new book. On her way to the cabin, she come into contact with a group of young southern boys who want what she has but what she is not willing to give away. long story short, the movie quickly turns into a disgusting ten minute scene of gang rape. now i know this is not something that most people want to see or hear, but i am just being honest. about half way through this movie i found myself just begging theses men to leave the poor girl alone. but then, the movie turns in the right direction. after the hell that these men put this girl through, about a month later, after they think she is dead, she comes back and shows all of them exactly what she is made of. she continues to torture, and brutally kill ALL of the men who messed with her. now im sure most of you are thinking that this movie is stupid and has nothing to learn... but after thinking more about it, this movie is the definition of strong women. yes, she was weak in a sense of being gang rapped, although i dont think anyone can fight something like that off. however, the fact that she comes back and gets the ultimate revenge on them just shows people how tough women can be. I give this movie an A-


MOVING ON

best fortune ever

April, so far, has been absolutely amazing. things at work have really turned around. if i keep going at the rate that i am, i will be bonusing around $6 extra dollars an hour. working full time, that is about an extra $1000 dollars, just for doing my job well. now the month just started so i have got a ways to go, but so far, so good. I was lucky enough to eat some panda express on march 31st, and the fortune i received predicted this month so far to a T. i only hope that things continue to move in the right direction. :)


Yesterday was my older sisters 22nd birthday! She is 25 weeks pregnant and her growing up is starting to make me feel so old. i will be 21 in four months! that is crazy to me. it seems like just yesterday i was getting lost in the halls of the middle school, wondering if i would EVER grow up. i know that i still have a lot of growing and learning to do, but from where i was a year ago to where i am now, i have never been happier with where life has led me. i have so many wonderful things coming up in the near future, i cannot wait!


ON ANOTHER NOTE.....

where i will SOMEDAY reside

I am sad to say that financially, seattle in august is becoming more and more out of reach. although it is something i still want more than almost anything in this world, i am financially not in a place when i can just pick up my life and relocate. my plan is to be there by fall semester of 2012, at the VERY latest. that will give me a year to completely pay off the rest of my debt (which i am nearly done with) AND to save enough money to be up there comfortably and able to live while finding a job and place to live. i still want to go to school up there more than anything. but for now, i am thinking about enrolling in the community college and getting the generals done that i will need for my major. that, financially, is what I can do right now. so no, seattle is not off my mind. i still think about it all the time, i still want to live there for the rest of my life. I am not the type of girl who is looking to settle down and get married. i wont soon start a family and but a house in the country. no, NOT I. my goal is to move to a city when i can express myself artistically and surround myself with people who love the same things that i do. someday soon, i tell ya. someday soon. :)


well bloggers, i once again want to thank you for taking the time to read all my rants and raves. I am no writter, i just love to write......

Hilarious

My mother is on the phone with my sister, using my dads phone. My dad is laying on the opposite side of the sectional. Where he is laying, the couch rests against a railing, and beyond the railing is a large flight of stairs leading to the tile floor of the front door entryway. My mother finishes the phone call and takes the phone in her non dominant left hand. She decides its a good idea to 'toss' the phone over to my dad. With her not so often used left hand, she hurls the phone and it barely misses my dads head, before grazing the railing and slamming onto the tile floor below. Hahaha.

Now if that isn't funny enough. After we all share a good laugh regarding her terrible aim, she proceeds to tell us "I was thinking to myself 'self, this is your left hand. You never use this hand. Maybe tossing this phone isn't a good idea' BUT it was out of my control! My hand had a mind of its own! Like turrets! " hahaha.

I guess you had to be there. But good hell, that was funny.

Seattle on my mind!!!

I'm sure y'all know what this blog is about by now!  Some I'm just gonna leave you at that!

the details....so far....

no later than september 22nd, 2011 i plan to travel the 800+ miles from the quiet bubble of west jordan, to a new world. the town i have desired to reside in since the tender age of 9. the town that cannot help but to call my name. Seattle. yes, i know, it rains a lot. There is bad traffic, weird people, and a few vampires. and i cannot wait. the city itself has so much to offer me. the people, the city, the culture, the way of life. it is everything i am in  need of. why september 22nd? well, lots of reasons. 1st being, the semester starts in october, so i need to be settled for when school starts. 2nd. on september 22nd, 2008 i made a decision in my life to give up what was important for me, and change my thinking to what was important for someone else. this was the day that i decided to not go to seattle for school. and three years is long enough to give up your dream. i refuse, i repeat, REFUSE to give up my dream for more than three years. doesnt work for me. so im doing it! I plan on attending the Art Institute of Seattle and i am seeking a BS in Fashion Marketing. This is a degree i have been seeking since i was only a young child. i know that people change their minds a ton about what they want to be when they grow up. Well, I am not one of them. This is my passion. Not just the fashion of it, but the marketing even more so. anyone who knows me knows that I am a business girl. I was the president of the DECA club all three years in high school. I was the president of the Fashionista Club two years in a row. I am in love with this. it is me. my true friends know this about me. I know, this school is ridiculously expensive, and the city isnt cheap either. I will need to save just under $5000 to go to seattle comfortably, and to start school on the right foot. sounds pretty insane huh? i may have to sell my car, rent a uhaul, and ride my bike around town for an entire year. but by god, i am going. my horoscope for 03/02/2011 says "when it comes to fear that you are feeling for a certain situation, you need to tackle it head on. look at a situation, and think of the worst way for it to turn out. as long as you can tell yourself that its not so bad, go for it!" and the truth is, i have done so. I have thought about everything it will take for me to go to seattle, and the worst case scenario when i get there. I have surpassed that fear, and come to terms with all the options. and i am so ready...here i come!

rain won't last forever...

Unless your in Seattle. Which is exactly where I plan to go. I can't get the idea out of my head. I have wanted to go to school in Seattle since I was 15. And for years and years I have put it off for reason after reason. A man, money, fear of leaving the nest, etc... but finally I am in a place in my life where I have the means to go! I am so ready for an adventure. I am going up there blindly and I may have to live in my car and shower at truck stops but by god I am going to do it! I am so ready! I applied for school and everything! I am so nervous and so excited but I just need to jump without looking and hit the ground running. It will be hard work and I will have to bust my ass but I am finally prepared to do so. Because I have nothing to lose. The worst that could happen is I could fall flat on my face and come back home. And then, at least I tried! I am sick of wondering what if. This is not gonna be a what if. I am so determined to make this a reality. Wish me luck! More updates soon!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

I'm a frosted flake

I've been known to make Promises I can't keep. This blog is no exception. I suck, and I am sorry. ;) but I am truly thankful for a few things that deserve to be mentioned. #1. My older sis, Mel. She has been my best friend my entire life. She is one tough cookie and doesn't take shit from anyone, but deep down she has a heart of gold. I love you sister. #2. Mitchell martin. He has been around for over half my life, and is always there to put a smile on my face. He is my main man, and life wouldn't be nearly as fun without him. Thanks for always having my back, and putting me in my place. :) #3. My family. Immediate and extended. We are unconventional, eccentric, ghetto, crazy, and drunk a lot of the time, but man do we have fun. :)

Attached to this blog are just a few photos of people and things that made 2010 great, and that will help 2011 be perfect. :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

12&13

This blog thing has already helped me a great deal. So I shall continue!

12: I am greatful for skintimate. Never have my legs felt smoother than when I shaved with skintimate shave gel. Now, being a lady, you'll understand the necessity of smooth to the touch legs. And if your a man, well, imagine shaving your face with a single blade razor and dial bar soap. Doesn't work so well. Ladies need a good shaving cream, too.

13: today, as I woke up, I was truly thankful for my home. Yes, its a disfunctional hot mess 90% of the time, but its home, and I love it. I love knowing the type of food we keep in the house, knowing exactly where I can find an extra blanket, and knowing how to use the backwards faucets in the upstairs bathroom. It may sound silly, but its home. I spent a long time being away from this place, and although I do someday soon want to build a home of my own, for now, this one is perfect.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I guess I skipped 6

How dare I.

6: I am thankful for my car. Even though it is a ghetto 93 civic with a terrible paint job, it is reliable. I can always count on my car. There aren't many things I can ALWAYS count on

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

7-11

7: I am thankful for my little nephew, ty. His innocent laughter and bubbly personality bring a. smile to my face when nothing else can.

8: I am thankful for the history channel. it is my once source of education since high school.

9: I am thankful for my job. I have been given an opportunity to work for an amazing company that offers me amazing opportunities to advance in my career. In the short amount of time that I have worked there I have learned so much about myself and about the industry. I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

10: I am thankful for the beatles. Even though Mitchell hates them. I think that the messages they sent are still being spread worldwide, and whenever I feel down, a little nestles pick me up always helps.

11: today, I am thankful for my little sister, nicole. She has had a tough life, and things have not always been easy for her. She is the strongest little sis I know, and I am very impressed with how much she has grown. She is always there when I need a good laugh, and i appreciate her so much for that. Love ya sis!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

mambo number 5

#3. I am greatful for ericka richards. I have known her for roughly 9 years, and she has brightened my life in so many ways. She is The greatest friend I could ever ask for and I am so lucky to have her in my life. She cracks me up, pisses me off, says stupid stuff makes me feel. stupid, and sometimes we just want to punani punch each other. But we wouldn't have it any other way. :) love you girl!

#4: I am greatful for my bed. When I came home late, tired and still feeling sick, climbing into my bed was overly comfortable. I slept like an angel.

#5. I am thankful for jeggings. They are fabulous. I hate wearing denim. Its so heavy. Jeggings are joy. :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

syrup

Jan 2, 2011: today I am thankful for cough drops. Self explanatory.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

giving thanks

To start the year off right, I have made a commitment to myself that every day in 2011 I will write a blog and list one thing that I am greatful for in my life. I do this in hopes that through the hard times in life, this list will bring me back down to earth and help me realize how good I have it. :)


January 1st 2011: today, I am thankful for the rotation of the earth, and the change between night and day that comes with it. Because with each passing day, new opportunities come up, and mistakes fade away.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5