limp

today, i am home alone. Reagan is off at work and Alex is in Idaho picking up his wife and son. so i have spent the day watching secrets of aspen and eating cafe rio. yum. for this blog, id like to talk about weight. as i started this blog i was going to tell you about how i was taking a bath currently and the dogs are in the other room going crazy. but i think i have spent enough time talking about stuff that doesn't mean anything to anyone but me. so lets talk about body image. this is something that haunts nearly every woman in america, and women around the world as well. for the past god knows how long, it has been portrayed in the media that the ideal woman is a size 2. now never  being a size 2, except maybe when i was 7? i don't know how it would feel the the "ideal woman." i was born to be big. but does that automatically mean i was born to be lonely? society today tells me that in order to ever been taken seriously, the ever fall in love, to ever have a career, or to ever enjoy my life in general, i am required to be a size 2. why is that? back in 1890-1918 the fashion trends were to look full. women would wear layers upon layers of clothes to make themselves look as though they weighed about 50 lbs more than they actually did. then, when the fabulous ms. coco chanel introduced large fashion jewelry and the tube dress, more commonly known as the flapper, it suddenly became more"trendy" to be slim. prior to this, women in power, such as queens, were almost always on the hefty side. bigger body means you can afford more food. if you can afford all that food you must be important. they were respected. and although coco is one of my idols, i cant help but wonder if the poor woman knew how drastically she was going to change america and every woman to walk in it. now all trends die eventually. this can be seen in examples such as bubble shirts, rubber bracelets, and poodle skirts. now although its true that some trends hibernate and then return, such as bell bottoms and peace signs, i find myself wondering why the one trend that is seen as such a plague to some women, is the one trend, other than the little black dress, that has never gone out of style. being this is not just a trend anymore. it is a curse. women today are going to such  extreme lengths to be "trendy". i myself have even attempted to eat only grapefruit and drink only water, for months at a time, to try and become what society now portrays as perfection. but lets face it people, im always gonna be big. i have been big for too long to be thin now. even if i found the most amazing diet in the world that worked so fell i dropped 100 lbs in 3 months. its not me. being a size 11 is who i am, and who i will always be. now you people must think i am absolutely crazy for admitting my size, because if you are more than a size 5 then you best run for the hills, and keep running until you are a size 5. lol. now i want to know why, because i am a size 11, and not a size 2, that i suddenly am going to be miserable, unsuccessful, lonely, bitter, and die alone. I DON'T THINK SO! success, happiness, and love all come a lot easier if you carry yourself with confidence. now don't get me wrong, it has taken me nearly my entire young life to discover who i really am, and who i am always going to be. and it is probably one of the hardest things in the world to be able to pick up a cosmo magazine and say "well my thighs will definitely not let me pull off that sex position" but being able to do that is the most freeing feeling in the world. so no, don't feel bad for me and my size 11 pants. i want you to feel bad for the girls who wake up every morning at 5 am, when they don't need to be anywhere until 9. I feel bad for the girls who stand in front of the mirror for an entire hour examining every part of her body that moves when she jumps. every jiggle. every droop. i feel awful for the size 4  who cries when she hears that 0 is the new 2. because that  type of obsession is what makes people bitter and miserable. I wake up every day and haul all 200 lbs out of bed with a smile on my face. because i am who i am. and if you don't like it, then fuck off. i want girls in america to know that coco chanel is gone, and so should the horrible curse she brought be. Thin, believe it or not, is not in. confidence is. to be happy in life, and in yourself, is a trend that should never go out of style.