garlic

i wanna start this  blog by letting you know that i have garlic breath really bad. damn that cheese bread. i have discovered something about myself today that i know i have done for a long time and today was the first day i could really recognize it. there are certain situations in life when you really just feel attacked. and for me it always seems like the people i care for the most are the people i feel most attacked by. i know this is the norm for most people. why is it this way? is it because the people you care about are people you want to care back? and if you feel attacked its because you don't feel like they care? is attacking a way for people to show they care, or a way to show they don't? the struggle to understand the difference is something that i have battled with for a very long time. i have recently been presented with a few different situations where i have felt personally attacked by people that i really care about. and i find myself wondering who is wrong, me or them? is there a right or wrong? is there just one person who needs to adjust their insight or is it something that the two must work on together? sometimes i feel like i am being pulled to change and change and change who i am and how i approach situations that become heated. i wonder if it truly is me who is in the wrong, or if there is an ongoing battle between egos. i can see where these certain people are coming from when they tell me what i did that made them feel as though i was wrong. so why is it that i can see where they are coming from but they cannot see where i am coming from? and then i realized, they do. i have made a discovery about myself today. and it is this. in a situation when i feel attacked, i assume the worst. i assume that my point is not seen nor heard, and that they look at me as though i am insane! i know this sounds ridiculous but sadly its true! so now i need to teach myself how to grow from this. how do you grow from something that feels so much like a part of you? this is a struggle i have not yet conquered..and although it is an ongoing battle, i feel extremely confident that  i will be able to grow, and learn to trust. people aren't all bad, after all. and the ones that i truly care for, probably deserve it. to care for someone is to feel a deep connection to them. and i don't know about you, but i don't connect with enemies. this blog shows you once again how much growing i still need to do. i am 19 years young, with lots of learning to go. true friends wont say i told you so. i surround my life with  beautiful people. people that help me grow. people who pick me up when i'm down, and help me get back on track. i have surrounded myself with angels. :)