baskets and buckets and bowls of it.

I am at a time in my life where I think it is time for me to make a bucket list. To those who don't know, a bucket list is a compiled list of things that you want to do before you die. They can be reasonable, or totally out there. It is hard me to compile a list like this, for a rather simple reason. I order lunch and don't want it by the time lunch rolls around. I dye my hair a certain color, only while I try decide what other color to dye it. I same money to spend money. Long story short, I change my mind too much, and I am all over the place these days. I can't decide whether or not it is a good or bad thing at this point. On one side, I feel good knowing that I don't take life too seriously, because I am so young. But on the other end, I see the people around me, and wonder if I am falling behind the pack. Granted, I have done my fair share of learning, mistake making, changing, changing back, regret, happiness, sadness, so on, and so forth. I've lived a life beyond my years in a lot of ways, and I have made a lot of changes. But in some ways, I have a hard time seeing whether I have made a step forward or a step back from where I was this time two years ago. Granted, I was 19 this time two years ago. I was in a relationship with a man who I thought I would spend my life with, I was trying to have kids, and I was down the road to nowhere fast. We lived a life of losers, and put fake smiles on our faces everyday to hide our hate for each other. We were unemployed, uninteresting, unmotivated, uneducated, and unpredictable. That last one was the most fun though. We didn't take anyone's shit, and we did what we wanted. Granted, we couldn't pay our rent, and we sold kittens online to support our habits. I cannot say I miss that part. I look back on that, and compare to where I am now. Been at a job for 14+ months, making a steady income every two weeks, digging myself slowing but surely out of the hole of debt that Reagan and I dug ourselves into. I guess he had a ladder, because he got out just fine, and i'm stuck building stairs out of fallen leaves. it will take me years to establish myself again, and to become a profitable member of society, but I'm doing it, and i'm doing it on my own. Now, all these things sound great, but life isn't all roses and butterflies. I live at home, in the basement of my parents house (barf) and I hate admitting that. I moved out a month after I graduated to live with my boyfriend. Since then, I've moved 10 times. West Jordan to parents to Rose Park #1 to Rose Park #2, back to the parents, then to Lehi, Ogden, Washington Terrace, Idaho, and once again, back to my parents house. I've been here for 16 months, which makes me happy and sad. On one end, I am the glue that holds this house together a lot of the time. I keep things moving smoothly over all the potholes of the Wilson family life. Also, living in this house has given me a wonderful opportunity to pay off my debt. The leaves fall faster and build stairs better when you don't spend them on rent. But living at home makes me feel like such a child. "Come on over, Friends! Yep, same house we came to after Homecoming Sophomore year." REALLY?! Not cool. I'm 21 years old, dammit! Out of all my friends, I am the only one who is single. 100% freaking single. I don't want to complain, because I am happy. I love answering to no one but myself. I hate dating, I hate commitment, and the last relationship I had was two years of hell, so why have a desire to be with someone? Simple answer. I don't. But I don't like being the friend who isn't invited to certain events simply because I will be the only one without a +1. ANNOYING! I am a 3 time college drop out. I have friends that are damn close to graduation! COLLEGE GRADUATION! I feel like I just graduated high school. Don't worry, it was almost 4 years ago! GOD I'M OLD! Anyways, this has turned into quite the rant, haha. Long story short, I have done a lot of growing, and still have so much growing to do. This is the reason for my Bucket List. There are so many things I want to do before I die, and now that I have taken up recreational smoking, i've lost about 5 years of bucket list fun, so I better get started. I'm 21, that's half way to 42, which is half way to 84. Meaning my life is 1/4th over. I am not okay with that. Time to get a move on! So here it is...my Bucket List.

• Spend at least a week on every continent. 
• Marry an Australian
• Go streaking
• Kiss Robert Downy Jr
• Beat up a grown man 
• Successfully fulfill a genius scam
• Pay cash for a brand new car
• Own a loft apartment above a coffee shop
• Hug Jerry Seinfeld
• Visit the "Seinfeld" Coffee Shop
• Live in Seattle
• Wrestle a Croc
• Play guitar with the Zac Brown Band
• Buy one of everything at Forever 21
• Build a VW Bug with my father
• Own and ride a motorcycle
• Grow a beard (Im serious!)
• Be honestly and truly known by my neighbors as the "Crazy Cat Lady"
• Publish a book
• Fit in a size 3 jean
• Take a cruise
• Spend a year with the Peace Corp.
• Shave my head
• Swim with the sharks
• Buy Olivia her first car <3
• Obtain a Masters in PR
• Work in New York for Balenciaga
• Design a clothing line
• Invent a TV that has a button to page your remote, similar to paging a cordless phone (genius, I know)
• Be 100% out of debt
• Dig up real Stego bones
• Skydiving
• Parasailing near the Jurasic Park Island
• Buy a star, and name it Olivia
• Be a successful stand up comic
• Hike Mt. Everest
• Find a man who can put up with me
• Adopt a child
• Own a successful PR Firm
• Write a beautiful One Hit Wonder type of song
• Delete my Facebook
• Go on a Safari
• Jump off a waterfall
• Ride in the top of a double decker bus
• Drive the Autobahn
• Live with no regrets
• Forgive myself for my mistakes
• Meet one of the remaining Beatles.
• Buy Mel and Matt a house
• Start a Beach Boys cover band
• Be homeless in Venice
• Sleep on the beach
• Buy my parents a home
• Sex on the beach
• Steal a statue
• Have a night in Vegas that should stay there. ;)

I will be adding to this list as more things come to mind. As you can see, some are rather achievable, and some are ridiculous. But I want to do them all, and hope that I will. :) 

This blog may have been the rant of the year. Good thing I saved it for December. This year has been nuts, and I cannot believe it's almost over. If I don't see you until then, Marry Christmas bloggers. I love you all <3

the sanctity of marriage...

today i am going to write about a topic that i feel very strongly about. there are a lot of things in life i don't understand or believe in. true and everlasting love happens to be one of them. I personally cannot see myself ever settling down, and being with one person for the rest of my life. I am too much of an handful myself, and i change my hair as often as most people change their socks. I think that there are a lot of people in the world who ruin the idea of a perfect marriage. people who have "open relationships" who find it okay to cheat on their spouses. people who get married and divorced after nine hours, or even after 72 days. the concept of marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment to someone. for better or worse. divorce is messy and mean and neither side wins. I will never understand why people choose to marry someone for money, stability, or a moment of happiness. I can achieve all of those things on my own. It is slack jaws like Kim Kardashian and Brittany Spears who ruin my idea of a beautiful life long commitment to someone.


now let me ask you this....why do we find it alright to love these celebrities, and to give them chance after chance whenever they decide they want to marry someone, but we terrorize and scrutinize people who want to spend their lives together, for better or worse, in the eyes of the law and the lord, just because they have the same genitals?!

I spoke with a customer a few months ago who ran a christian church in southern Texas. He met his soul mate while working on the Reagan campaign in the early 80's. They were separated for 20 years before finally meeting again, this time while both working on the Obama campaign. They knew, after all this time, that there was no one else in the world for them. Neither of them had a single partner or relationship for 20 years, because they knew they found true love. Now, these two MEN are happily committed to each other, and running an open minded christian church. THIS, is what I call true love.

I read a story online about two weeks ago, and the story was about two men who have been in love for 40 years, married in the eyes of themselves and their families. Never cheated on one another, because they know they have found their eternal partner, in life and death. They have subjected themselves to hate and ridicule for  their entire lives, all for love. now, who wants to sit here and tell me that people choose to put themselves through that hell? you can shut the hell up if you think that.

I am a straight female, and will never understand the idea of true love. But these men and women do. so leave them the hell alone, and learn something from them. true love has no boundaries. black, white, male, female, whatever! These people know love, and all the hate you feel in your heart for them, makes me realize that you haters will NEVER understand the idea of true love.

tis the season

The holidays can be the best or worst time of year. it all comes down to perception. For some people, the holiday season is the time of year where you have a valid excuse to display ridiculous amounts of depression and anger. people realize this time of year how alone and sad they truly are. If you asked me a year ago, I was one of those people. I had recently split from the man i thought i would spend my life with. I moved back into my parents house where things were anything but stable. i was down on my luck with no happiness in sight. but then, i woke up christmas morning, and realized just how blessed i really was. My family gave me so many wonderful blessings. I am not speaking of only the gifts that I received. There was so much love and joy on christmas morning. The joy I felt cannot be explained in words.

This year has been even better, and the holiday season has just started. I celebrated a wonderful thanksgiving with the greatest family in the world. lots of awesome cooking, eating, playing games, and rooms full of laughter. It was also the first thanksgiving of my beautiful niece Olivia. She is now 4 months old and getting so big and strong. I love her so much and i cannot even stand how wonderful she is!

Last night, I had the funnest sleepover of my life, and I felt like a little kid again. I took my adorable cousins Kylee and Ethan to the mall to meet santa and tell him what they want for Christmas. After that, we got ice cream, and came back to the house to play twister and barbies with my oldest friend Amelia. I woke up the next morning and made the kids pancakes and then the playing started all over. they really wore me out, but I had so much fun with them!

Life is good, bloggers. I have no complaints. I have a wonderful job, a wonderful family, wonderful friends, and a beautiful life. Every day, i finally wake up and feel like i am complete. I have not felt so complete in a long time. I am happy with where im at. I am single and healthy and life is good. Smile on bloggers, it'll be a great end to a beautiful year!

husband requirements

After the past relationship hell i have been through, i have decided to create a list. this list details all my requirements in a husband. Now, i do not plan to ever be married. However, if any many can fit into ALL these requirements, i will maybe marry him. :)

1. my future husband must have dreadlocks. now i know that some people think this type of hair is extremely disgusting. but i think it is so sexy!! it is low maintenance, easy, quick, and there is a way to have dreadlocks and still keep your hair extremely clean. I want a man who knows how to do that! speaking of clean...that brings me to my next requirement! 

2. my husband is required to stay clean, and to always smell good. i do not care if you are a man, if you work manual labor, or if its 1,000,000,000,000 degrees outside, you are required to smell good. not like ass. no if's, and's, or butt's about it. period, the end. You must maintain yourself. which brings me to point three.....

3. My husband must have a clean, well maintained beard. Again, don't confuse this with the idea of a dirty, disgusting neard that has no shape. I love a rugged, well maintained, sexy man beard.

4. My husband is required, and I repeat, required, to have an accent originating from Australia or New Zeland. I don't even think I need to explain why this is so important. It is sooooo sexy I can't even handle it. Enough said people, enough said. 

#6. My husband cannot be too skinny. I cannot tell you how gross I think skinny men are. Now, lets not leave any gray area here, he does not need to be FAT. But I refuse to date a stick skinny man. it is just gross a creepy. Some meat on his bones is extremely preferred. 

#7. This rule is considered the most important. My husband must be RDJ, or be as close to the real thing as possible. I need not explain more..

The wonder years.

what would you do if i sang you a tune?
would you stand up and walk our on me?
lend me your ear and i'll sing you a song
and i'll try not to sing out of key..

oh, The Beatles. what a great thing to listen to on a Sunday on October. SPEAKING OF OCTOBER!!

 #1. I have not blogged in quite some time. for this, I am sorry. I have been so busy with work and with school.
#2. I had a medical meltdown the past 30 days. First, a sever infection in my kidney and bladder. following that, an extremely painful pinched sciatic nerve, as well as my L4 vertebrae out of place. The pain was so bad that i fainted in the bathroom and couldn't leave bed for three days. Once I was able to walk without a cane, I caught my first nasty cold of the winter season. I am still getting over it two weeks later, and I cannot wait for it to be gone. (just in time for another one to come, im sure)
#3. Halloween is just around the corner, and I have not prepared AT ALL! I am thinking of going to my oldest and truest friend beau's house for his costume party. Only problem....I STILL DON'T HAVE A COSTUME! My plan was to create a female version of the most obnoxious celebrity in America...FLAVA FLAVVVVVVVVVVV!!! My plan was to create a purple velour dress, wear a giant clock necklace, a viking hat, and a golden grill. i have none of those things and I am running out of time! I made my costume last year and it only took me about 4 hours to sew. As cute as it was, it sort of turned into a disaster. The material I used was a poly-silk blend, and was not meant to be worn. Not only did the thread rip through the fabric by the end of the night, but it was also stained to high heaven, although I do not recall spilling anything on it! Needless to say, it was time and money wasted. I am worried about that happening again this year. I chose Velour for two reasons.

Reason #1: It is Flava Flav's favorite. He wears velour track suits as much as he possibly can. Since the costume is about him, I find it only fitting.. Although our skin tone is a little different, and my hair is a little less...nappy....i think i should follow in his style steps the best that I can with what I can..

Reason #2: It is DURABLE! it gives well, holds up well, and wont lose its shape! It will be easy to make into a standard tube dress. 2 yards will cost me roughly ten dollars, and I will be nearly all set!

I did already check the Halloween store, and they do have the accessories I need for the remainder of the costume. About $35-$40 total, and I will be all set for Halloween. Not bad, eh? Most girls these days spend $40 alone on a dress that barely covers their ass cheeks. Accessories included, I don't think I got off too bad. :)

Well bloggers...it was nice catching up. Glad to hear you are all doing well. Hope this update has been pleasing for you.

PS. I have the most chubby and adorable niece on the entire planet. be jealous.

billy madison

Well, its official. I am back to school! This is my second week taking classes and I am pretty freaking excited about it! although i feel tired all the time and i have more on my plate than i ever thought possible, i am having so much fun! i am taking two classes right now. on monday, wednesday, and friday i am enrolled in an interpersonal communications class. the class is said to teach us about better ways to communicate with the people around us, including friends, family, work associates, etc. I think i am a pretty good communicator as it is, but you never know! I am excited to see what this class will open my eyes to. then, on tuesdays and thursdays i am taking a digital media essentials class. aka. intro to photo shop. that is that class i am sitting in currently. the teacher is always about fifteen minutes late, then he talks for a little over an hour about god knows what. all the while we are playing online and not really listening to a word that is being said. then we play on photo shop until its time to leave.

now all of this seems pretty hectic with my full time work schedule, right? WRONG!  I got a promotion at work! i am now a member of the chat team for 1800 contacts. no more phone calls, no more stupid people yelling at me over the phone because they dont  understand the concept of LEGAL 24 HR DELAY. some people i swear...ANYWHOOOOO now i am off the phones and just spend the day chatting online to equal idiots.

oops...theres the teacher. gotta bounce!

its only right to do so.

one year ago today, the battle ended. the rage stopped. the fighting, the tears, the screaming, the pretending. it all ended one year ago today. right around this time.


this situation still pierces in my brain like it just happened. just yesterday. just moments ago. its hard to believe it let myself feel so sad, so mad, and to get so close to someone I didn't want to spend my life with.


This is a day of celebration. the day i found myself again. the day i packed my things, said goodbye to the past, and hello again to the ones who REALLY loved me.

still...its hard to believe its been a year...365 days...525,600 minutes...or something like that.

the things that have happened in this year.
2 new jobs
2 new cars
4 new bosses
30 new outfits
1 lost friend (kodabear)
1 kitten
1 new pup
1 driving citation
50 drunken nights
1 fist fight with a man....i won..
2 camping trips
4 strange..(if you dont know, you cant know)
2 reunited best friends
many new friends
a few new boys
new passions
new adventures
new experiences
and most importantly
one beautiful baby girl..

I have seen my fair share of ups and downs over the past 365 days. and i dont regret a single moment of it. i have had such a good time finding myself again. cannot wait to see what the next ten years bring!