Thursday, March 4, 2010
bring on the rain.
today, i am feeling a little indifferent. I am watching one life to live and life is pretty much back to normal with Katy and the baby home again. i have a second interview this morning with convergys for the census project starting in may. hopefully all goes well and i will have a job soon. after the interview and all necessary paperwork i went to chick fil-a and got some lunch for the three of us. too bad the dog ate the babies food. bitch. i dunno. its one of those days where nothing is really bad, but nothing is really good. last night wasn't the best. i would like to be able to say that i never make mistakes, but i am just not that lucky. and last night, i pushed a button that i didn't know i was pushing, and the person i love the most was hurt. what do you do in a situation like that? to play the defensive card gets you no where but deeper in the hole. but to say i didn't think what i was doing was going to make him mad would seem as though i don't care enough to know better. which i do. so all i can do is apologize. and apologize. and apologize again. so today is a day of recovery. although i look fine, my heart hurts. why is it that one day i can write about how i am so happy with who i am, and another i write about how much i need to improve? No one is perfect, that is for sure. One thing is for certain, i wish i was. all i want to do is make him so happy that we never have to fight again. but is that possible? i spend all day witnessing different couples interact in different ways, none of which don't fight. everyone does it. its the fights you can survive that will make your relationship stronger. so why can he not see that? why can we not see past the disagreement, and grow enough to not have the disagreement again. i dunno. sometimes i guess i just need to remember the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I can only work on myself. how other things and ideas fit into my life is determined only by those people or things. i need to tell myself every day to stay positive. life it too short to sweat the small stuff. be thankful for what you have, not bitter for what you don't have. thats all for now bloggers. time to do some building. and for that, its time for a walk in the rain.